When you are grieving there are so many things that can trigger a bad memory or painful feelings. It’s little things that other people don’t even notice that kick me in the stomach and can floor me for the rest of the day. Books, TV shows, adverts, movies, songs all must be screened before useContinue reading “Triggers”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Imagination
What do you see when you look at this room? That it’s neat and tidy? That everything is in it’s place? Can you see it’s not used and there’s no signs of life? I see all that, but I also see a two year old tipping toys out of the basket on to the floor.Continue reading “Imagination”
It’s your special day
You should be 2 today Baby Heidi. I wish I could say happy birthday to you, hear your giggles, see you in a pretty dress, watch you get over excited and have a tantrum, wipe your sticky hands and face after cake and ice cream and battle to get you to sleep tonight because you’reContinue reading “It’s your special day”
Forgiveness
I have never been the forgiving type, instead I am extraordinarily good at holding a grudge and remembering every hurtful comment or event and reminding that person of it years later. Typical woman behaviour I hear the men cry, but what if your lack of forgiveness extended to yourself? What if you were unable toContinue reading “Forgiveness”
Joy and pain
Oh baby, it’s so painful without you 💔My head is a mess, a jumble of dark thoughts, shame and regret. It’s such an effort to be kind to myself.Heidi’s first time in a swing was a year ago, she loved it. I love looking at the joy on her face. We gave her a happyContinue reading “Joy and pain”
That was a year ago
It doesn’t make sense to me that it is somehow June already and today marks eleven months without Heidi. I had had a decent couple of days, being productive, feeling grateful and hopeful and then the first thought in my head this morning was ‘why didn’t someone do something for my baby’ and my griefContinue reading “That was a year ago”
Lockdown
I’m going to say something a bit controversial. I like lockdown. As an introvert, whose grief has made me all the more introverted and given me social anxiety, so I don’t miss social interactions. I no longer feel any pressure to go and see people, I feel safe at home and I am loving allContinue reading “Lockdown”
Always
This pandemic is very distracting. Nothing about my life was normal in the first place, but now it is even less so and routines have changed again. I am grateful that so far none of my loved ones are sick, I am grateful to have all this extra time with the girls who are handling thisContinue reading “Always”
Fate got it wrong
Fate got it wrong, you weren’t meant to go You needed your Muma, didn’t she know? My heart still beats, but it’s not real It may still work, but it forgot how to feel Fate got it wrong, I should be there too But you have come to see me, I know that is true Continue reading “Fate got it wrong”
Change
In the past eight months I have gone from having everything I had ever wanted and hoped to have, to having my world torn apart and my life altered forever. And I didn’t see it coming, I never expected my life would be destroyed. Last Summer I had a family home, a husband, I hadContinue reading “Change”
Grieving Muma 