I hate this picture. I love the message, but I hate the image. No we shouldn’t waste time, we’re foolish if we do, we should be aware of how precious it is, we should cherish our loved ones, we should make the most of our lives, we should value what’s really important and shun what’s not,Continue reading “Lies”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Children’s Grief
Children’s Grief Awareness Week ended yesterday another awareness week I hadn’t heard of until now. My eldest daughter drew this picture today and very innocently said to me ‘some people are all rainbows and cupcakes on the outside, but sad and dark on the inside’ We love to talk about Heidi, share pictures of her,Continue reading “Children’s Grief”
Weather
Yesterday was a really hard day, it was four months since Heidi died. I don’t know how I have got through four whole months without my baby. It feels like an eternity. The small things keep me going, the little things really are important and special. Like how beautiful the skies are at the moment, I have neverContinue reading “Weather”
Celebrations
It is the end of October, the end of pregnancy and infant loss awareness month and the end of the capture your grief prompts. I haven’t done them all this month, it’s been hard and some of them like ‘what I am grateful for’ and ‘what I do for self care’ I haven’t been ableContinue reading “Celebrations”
Calm before the storm
Not much is happening, nothing is progressing, I am still waiting, I am passing time, keeping busy, finding some sort of routine that I know won’t stick, trying to heal, trying to survive and my heart tells me this is the calm before the storm. Soon the report into Heidi’s care will be done andContinue reading “Calm before the storm”
Hindsight
The saying goes that hindsight is a wonderful thing, well it’s not. It’s a terribly cruel thing and I hate it. Hindsight is more than the what if questions I torture myself with, because hindsight is knowledge that Heidi should not have died. Her death was preventable, as most sepsis deaths sadly are. Early detectionContinue reading “Hindsight”
Some days
Some days are so dark. There is no light to see. I have no words to say. I want everyone to leave me be. There is nowhere I can find joy. I want to run and hide away. The colour has gone from the world. I bristle and spike all day. My head is fullContinue reading “Some days”
Heidi
I forget that not everyone got to know Heidi like I did, not everyone got to experience just who she was, so I thought I would share her. Heidi loved her food. Just like her big sister she would demand a bottle every two hours and she started on solids at five months old. ButContinue reading “Heidi”
Listen to your gut
You know when you just get a feeling about something, an instinct that something isn’t right, or something will or won’t happen? Then you know when you ignore it, because you’re just being silly right? Well I do that a lot, I ignore what I feel is right or isn’t right and just carry on anyway,Continue reading “Listen to your gut”
I was wrong
I haven’t written anything for a while and I thought that was because there wasn’t much to write about, there wasn’t really anything happening. But I was wrong. The truth is I wasn’t writing because I wanted to avoid my reality and there are things I have avoided saying. When it hurts too much, I clamContinue reading “I was wrong”
Grieving Muma 