When you are grieving there are so many things that can trigger a bad memory or painful feelings. It’s little things that other people don’t even notice that kick me in the stomach and can floor me for the rest of the day. Books, TV shows, adverts, movies, songs all must be screened before useContinue reading “Triggers”
Tag Archives: Infant loss
Joy and pain
Oh baby, it’s so painful without you 💔My head is a mess, a jumble of dark thoughts, shame and regret. It’s such an effort to be kind to myself.Heidi’s first time in a swing was a year ago, she loved it. I love looking at the joy on her face. We gave her a happyContinue reading “Joy and pain”
That was a year ago
It doesn’t make sense to me that it is somehow June already and today marks eleven months without Heidi. I had had a decent couple of days, being productive, feeling grateful and hopeful and then the first thought in my head this morning was ‘why didn’t someone do something for my baby’ and my griefContinue reading “That was a year ago”
Always
This pandemic is very distracting. Nothing about my life was normal in the first place, but now it is even less so and routines have changed again. I am grateful that so far none of my loved ones are sick, I am grateful to have all this extra time with the girls who are handling thisContinue reading “Always”
Fate got it wrong
Fate got it wrong, you weren’t meant to go You needed your Muma, didn’t she know? My heart still beats, but it’s not real It may still work, but it forgot how to feel Fate got it wrong, I should be there too But you have come to see me, I know that is true Continue reading “Fate got it wrong”
Change
In the past eight months I have gone from having everything I had ever wanted and hoped to have, to having my world torn apart and my life altered forever. And I didn’t see it coming, I never expected my life would be destroyed. Last Summer I had a family home, a husband, I hadContinue reading “Change”
Mind control
I’m managing to get a grip on making my self talk more positive. I have a better understanding of why the hateful little voice in my head is there and it has let me see it in a new light. I can gently and kindly silence it more and more these days. What I am strugglingContinue reading “Mind control”
Self care
I am really terrible at this. It’s always been much easier to look after and love others, than it has been to take care of myself. In the list of priorities, self care has always been the bottom and now when I burn out so easily, tiredness levels are through the roof and my emotions areContinue reading “Self care”
A rocky path
Grief is a very personal journey and we travel this rocky path in our own unique way. We won’t feel the same as someone else who is grieving, even if we are grieving the same person and often people don’t understand the things we do that help us with processing and releasing our feelings. From allContinue reading “A rocky path”
Love in amongst chaos
It’s now been six months since Heidi was taken from us and I am struggling to make sense of that fact. In some ways it feels like no time has passed at all and in other ways it feels like a lifetime. Human beings love to understand the things that happen to us in ourContinue reading “Love in amongst chaos”
Grieving Muma 