Change

In the past eight months I have gone from having everything I had ever wanted and hoped to have, to having my world torn apart and my life altered forever.

And I didn’t see it coming, I never expected my life would be destroyed.

Last Summer I had a family home, a husband, I had just given up work to be a full time mum, I had my eldest daughter Summer, my step daughter Carla and my baby Heidi. We were all happy and healthy and loved each other and apart from the usual daily stresses, strains and silly arguments, life was perfect. I didn’t want it to change and never thought it would.   And who would have? No one would have foreseen that Heidi would die.   None of us even believed that healthy babies did die, how silly that seems now.

I took so much for granted, I assumed that Heidi would always be with us, I had pictured and mapped out our future as a family and never thought that it wouldn’t turn out how I wanted it to.  I never allowed for the possibility that life had other plans for us all.

Now we are at the point of looking at pictures and videos and having to say “that was a year ago” and not really being able to make sense of that in our heads.   How can it be a year ago when it feels like only yesterday? 

I have been clinging on to what’s left of my life by my fingertips and one of the things that has kept me going these past eight months, is my belief and knowledge that life will change.

That’s one thing I know for sure, it’s a truth that is real and honest, life will always change and I am working at being open to all the changes that will come, whether I like them or not!

I try my best not to take anything for granted, and when I am at my lowest and I hate the life that I have now, I remind myself that it will change.   I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but life will change.