Lockdown

I’m going to say something a bit controversial. I like lockdown.

As an introvert, whose grief has made me all the more introverted and given me social anxiety, so I don’t miss social interactions.

I no longer feel any pressure to go and see people, I feel safe at home and I am loving all the extra time with my family.

Although homeschooling when you’re also trying to work from home, is not a great mix. There have been times when the stress levels are off the scale. But we muddle through, I remind myself to keep the pressure off us all and that the girls playing out in the garden in the sunshine is just as good for them as learning what 7×8 is.

Within lockdown and in amongst grief, I have found gratitude.

I am grateful my family are safe and well so far, I am grateful Andrew still has a job, I am grateful we still have food on the table and I am grateful for the beautiful sunny days we have had and how Heidi’s tree is blooming. I am grateful for having a garden for Buddy and us all to play in. Of course I always feel the painful absence of Heidi in everything I do, but every day I feel her love in my heart.

So I may be alone in this, but I will miss lockdown. I won’t miss the reason for it, the sooner this virus buggers off the better. Viruses are deadly and not just the coronavirus that we all know so much about now because of the media. Every virus can be deadly because every virus can lead to sepsis. We should never hear anyone say again “it’s just a virus “

Please don’t delay calling 111 or 999 if you or a loved one shows symptoms of sepsis. Do not delay. The NHS are open for business as usual, use them and say the word sepsis. It could save a life.

The NHS are still open for business so I am still pursuing the complaint about Heidi’s care. Just about to start stage three.

I have had it in writing that there were delays in her treatment and the delays resulted in her death.

So you will forgive me if I haven’t been clapping for the NHS every Thursday. Another controversial comment right?

Whilst myself, Andrew, Summer and Carla and others in the family have all received excellent care from the NHS and they do need more funding and support, I cannot forget that Heidi received no care when she really needed it the most. When it was a matter of life and death.

Besides I have found myself wondering what  the clapping actually achieves? If you want to do something that’s really going to make a difference why not raise some money for them? Send them in bags of sweets and food? Or take a leaf out of Brightest Star and find a company to make visors for frontline medics. That’s really making a difference.

So stay safe, don’t take risks, this is not just a virus, be sepsis aware and try and make the most of lockdown.  You might miss it when it’s over too.